帮忙看一下我写的这篇英语作文有什么重大语法错误，帮忙改一下，提一些写作建议。万分感激。（四级作文）

Question

帮忙看一下我写的这篇英语作文有什么重大语法错误，帮忙改一下，提一些写作建议。万分感激。（四级作文）What the drawing vividly depicts is that people play computer in modern life when working,playing,staying at home or sleeping.The picture illustrates that the time of people play computer increasingly than before.Playing computer account for more time than before.
This no deny that computer have important impact in modern life.It can broading our horizon,working efficultly communicating conveniencly.Whereas,this is a largely harm to our eyes because play computer long time.We concentrate on computer,ingoring other interesting incidents.
To sum up,this is a life if quickly rhythm. Computer is a necessary sector in modern life.Computer makes our life conveniencly.Whereas,we can't several rely on it.

Answer 1

每每当我唱起它是总感觉自己十分的有力气,充满了朝气,就如黄土高原的后生们打起他们的安塞腰鼓一般 我欣赏我的祖国,是因为中国曾经经历了多少沧桑、经历了多少风风雨雨啊；我热爱我的祖国,是因为它在毛泽东、邓小平、……总书记的领导下,发生了翻天覆地的变化；我敬佩我的祖国,是因为在孙中山这位大总统的领导下,打响了“武昌起义”,发动了“辛亥革命”使中国从半殖民、半封建的社会中走了出来；我喜欢我的祖国,是因为祖国的壮丽风景使人心旷神怡…… 中国在公元前221年嬴政统一中国史称秦始皇开始,逐渐成为一个富饶、美丽的国度；张骞出使西域,创建丝绸之路；唐太宗李渊建立了大唐；明太祖朱元璋以一个农民的身份创建了明朝；大金大汗皇太极攻克了北京,创立清朝后……从“玄武门之变” 到“康乾盛世”……从圆周率,四大发明,地动仪,浑天仪……从孔子,孟子……从王羲之,柳公权,颜真清……从李白、杜甫、陆游、叶绍翁、苏轼、辛弃疾……中国每个方面都在逐步的昌盛,成为当时世界上发达国家之一.然而,好景不长,从乾隆皇帝后,一个个腐败无能的皇帝依次出现,从嘉庆皇帝到溥仪皇帝；从中国近...

Answer 2

写的不错，ingoring 拼写错误，其他没问题
What the drawing vividly depicts is that people play computer in modern life when working,playing,staying at home or sleeping.The picture illustrates that the time of people play computer increasingly than before.Playing computer account for more time than before.
This no deny that computer have important impact in modern life.It can broading our horizon,working efficultly communicating conveniencly.Whereas,this is a largely harm to our eyes because play computer long time.We concentrate on computer,ingoring other interesting incidents.本回答被网友采纳