Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
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Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.åè¯
(2) nest n.çªï¼å·¢
(3) description n.æè¿°
(4) encourage v.é¼å±
(5) resemble v. ç¸ä¼¼ï¼ç±»ä¼¼
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I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
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A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
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Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
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Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
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Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
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Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
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Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
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He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
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Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
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Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
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-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
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ï¼The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
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è±è¯ç¬è¯ï¼ä¸ï¼Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
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«ï¼Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
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è±è¯ç¬è¯ï¼ä¹ï¼The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
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è±è¯ç¬è¯ï¼åï¼One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
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Logic Reasoning é»è¾æ¨ç
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
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Have You Ceased Beating Your Wifeï¼ä½ åæ¢æä½ èå©äºå?
This story is told of a browbeating counselï¼who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponentâs witnessesï¼
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanationsï¼
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âBut there are some questions which cannot be answered byâyesâorânoï¼ââmildly responded the witnessï¼
âThere are notï¼â snapped the lawyerï¼
âOhï¼â said the witnessï¼âanswer this thenï¼âHave you ceased beating your wifeï¼â
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Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
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"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
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Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doublesï¼boysï¼
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Nick: Yesï¼sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
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Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
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Nick: Ohï¼sorryï¼sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.â
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2ï¼how are you ? how old are you?
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3ï¼you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ï¼ together up ï¼
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5ï¼hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!!
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6ï¼you me you me
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7ï¼You Give Me Stop!!
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8ï¼know is know noknow is noknow
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9ï¼WATCH SISTER
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10ï¼dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouseââson can make hole!!é¾çé¾ï¼å¤çå¤ï¼èé¼ çå¿åä¼ææ´ï¼
11.ï¼I give you face you donât wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face
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12ï¼one car comeone car go ,two car pengpeng,people die
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13ï¼heart flower angry open
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14ï¼go past no mistake past
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15ï¼å°æï¼I am sorry!
èå¤ï¼I am sorry too!
å°æï¼I am sorry three!
èå¤ï¼What are you sorry for?
å°æï¼I am sorry five!
16ï¼If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I haveone!
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17ï¼I call Li old big. toyear 25.
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18ï¼you have two down son
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19.好好å¦ä¹ ï¼å¤©å¤©åä¸ï¼
good good study,day day up!
20.people mountain people sea!
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