第1个回答 2011-05-08
一
有一天，俺商店里来了个外国人买西餐料。他选好一样东西，俺就在计算器上摁出价钱给他看。当然俺有点不好意思了，而且俺还会句英语。
于是 ，俺就对他说：
“I am sorry”。
“I am sorry， too” 外国人回答。
“I am sorry three” 我道。
“What are you sorry for?” 外国人问。
“I am sorry five” 我说……
二
男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don''t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
三、
A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.
How old are these bones? the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.
Exactly one hundred million and three years old.
How can you be so sure? inquired the tourist.
Well, replied the guide, a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.
一位游客在新墨西哥游览。他对随处可见的恐龙化石甚感惊奇。
这些化石有多长的历史？游客问一个上了年纪的当地美国人。他是作向导的。
整整十亿零三年了。
你怎么这么肯定？游客问道。
哦，向导回答道，一个地质学家来过这儿，他告诉我说这些化石有十亿年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。
四。A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
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Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.
Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
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Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
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An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.
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A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
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Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?
She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.
(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball and coach have double meanings.)
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Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
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Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
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Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
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Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.
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Q. What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?
A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit)
(Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet?)
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A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"
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This is a good one to follow the following previously submitted joke.
A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)
A: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?
B: Still no idea.
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A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says.
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Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?
A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L)
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Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
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Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
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Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
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Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: On the ends of their fingers.
(Giants' nails.)
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Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A: A stamp.
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Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.
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These need to be written.
Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig.
Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards.
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Q: What do elephants have that no other animal has?
A: Baby elephants.
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Depending on where you live, students will enjoy this one.
Q: What do you call a hippie's wife?
A: Mississippi.
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Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing, it just waved!
Submitted by: Eric Stein
五
"Larry! Come here!" said his furious mother, putting the telephone down, " I’ve just had a call from Mrs. Harrison about your behavior to her Doris at the school dance last night. You wretched, rude boy!"
"I was nice to her, Mum, really I was!" protested the youth.
"I even paid her a compliment when we had a dance."
"Did you, indeed?" said his mother grimly, "And what exactly did you say?"
"I said, Gosh, Doris, you sweat less than any fat girl I’ve ever danced with!"
“拉里，你过来！”妈妈放下电话后生气地说，“我刚才接到哈里森夫人地电话，她告诉我你在昨晚的学校舞会上对多丽丝行为不好，你可耻，粗鲁！”
“妈妈，我对她很好，真的！”小伙子不服气地说。“当我和她跳舞时我还说了一句恭维她的话。”
“你真的这么做的吗？”妈妈严厉地问。“你的原话是怎么说的？”
“我说，啊呀，多丽丝，你比我跳过舞的任何胖姑娘出汗都少！”
你看看这些合不合适，不合适的话我再找