请高手帮忙修改英语作文，急！！

Question

A letter to my parents
Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you so much for bringing me up.I know how hard you’ve worked during the past years to make my life better. I can remember how many times you help me when I was in trouble. Every time, when I saw the tears and exhaustion on your face, I was moving because you’ve did so much for me in this 15 years. You become old person and I become a great girl.
When I was a kid, I don’t understand the love that you give me. But I know today.Now I’m standing here express my thanks to you-----my dear parents, I promise you that I will be a good person in the future, please believe me.
Yours,
shely
我已经发现一些错误了。以下是我修改的
A letter to my parents
Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you so much for bringing me up.I know how hard you’ve worked during the past years to make my life better. I can remember how many times you help me when I was in trouble. Every time, when I saw the tears and exhaustion on your face, I was moving because you’ve did so much for me in this 15 years. You become old person and I become a great girl.
When I was a kid, I didn’t understand the love that you gave me. But I know today. Now I’m standing here express my thanks to you-----my dear parents, I promise you that I will be a good person in the future, please believe me.
Yours,
Shelly

这篇可不可以作为演讲稿，短暂的演讲

那句要怎么改？

Answer 1

1. you helped me when I was in trouble
2.you’ve done so much for me in the past 15 years
3. You are turnning into old people(因为parent是两个人）and I am becoming a great girl
4.But now I know，下一个now可以改为today
5.I’m standing here and express my thanks to you

差不多就这几个吧～～～

Answer 2

90分

When I was a kid。 你现在还是kid。----》 when i was younger.

in this 15 years.---》 in these years

基本上都已经不错