请帮我看看这段英文自我介绍

Question

看看还有没有什么要补充添加的，从google或者其他软件翻译来的朋友就不要浪费大家的时间了。我要去一家外贸公司应聘，这是我准备的一段口头自我介绍,各位看看还有什么要补充的，急需！先谢谢各位了.

您好。很高兴能介绍我自己。我今年21岁，所学的专业是电子商务。经管我是一名应届毕业生。但我在大学期间有不少的工作经验，所从事的大多为销售工作。这是我之所以选择这个职位的原因。虽然我对这个行业了解的太少，但我做事非常认真，最重要的是吃得起苦，待人也非常和善，希望大家能喜欢我。最后，很高兴您能给我这次面试的机会。

Holle
I am pleased to introduce its own..
I’m 21 years old ,
My college majoring was E-commerce.
Althought I a fresh graduates.
But I have a lot of work experience in my college.
Most of the work undertaken by the sales
This is the reason I have chosen for this Jobs
Although I am not very understand this industry
But I handle things with great care and passion.
More important, I can manage it working under pressure and I am always kind to others.
Your kind consideration is appreciated
That’s all.
Finally, thank you for give me this interview opportunities

Answer 1

基本都改过了, 原文很多中式英语...面试一定不行的....

good morning/afternoon, sir/madam.(要正式些)
thank you for giving me this chance to introduce myself.(这句要放前面)
my name is xxx,21 years old.
I graduated from xxx, majored in E-commerce. (名字和院校要提一下)
Althought I just graduated, I have a lot of working experiences when i was still in college.
those experiences I got are mainly related to sales(你原来那句老外听不懂的). and that's is one of the reasons I have chosen this Job.
I have to say that I don't have enough knowledges about this field, but i'm a hardworker and willing to take challenges (原来那句是典型的中式英语).
and which is more important for the job is that I can manage to work under pressure and i know how to work as a team.
that's all for my introduction, you can find more information about me in my resume or of course you can ask me questions.

thank you for your time and attetion.

Answer 2

Hello
May I take the opportunity to introduce myself?My name is ...
I’m 21 years old ,
My major is E-commerce.
Althought I a fresh graduate,
I have a lot of working experience in my college.
Most of the work i took was to be sales .
This is the reason why I choose this job.
Although I do not quite understand this area,
I can handle things with great care and passion.
More importantly, I can manage it under pressure and I am always kind to others.
Your kind consideration is appreciated
That’s all.
Finally, thank you for giving me this interview opportunities.

我已经帮你修改了下，你看看。

Answer 3

你好
Hello, (个人感觉用Good afternoon或Good morning比较好点~)

很高兴能自我介绍
I am glad to introduce myself.

我21岁,我的专业是电子商务
I'm 21 years old and my speciality is E-commerce.

虽然我刚毕业,但我已经有许多工作经验,并且之前的工作几乎都关于销售
Althought I graduated just now, I've a lot of experience already and the jobs before were almost about selling.

这就是我为什么选择这个职业
This is the reason why I chose this Jobs

虽然现在我对它的知识有限(个人不建议用LZ的原句,感觉自揭短处了,还是说的保守一点的好吧)但我工作很努力、认真
Now I am limited to it but I work very hard and earnest.

最重要的是，在任何逆境中我仍能努力工作
The best one is that I can still do my best in any adverse circumstances.

我很随和，我希望能和这的人做朋友
And I am very amiable, I hope I can make friends with all of people here.

谢谢（个人感觉不需要重复第一句话）
Thank you.

而且你的自我介绍是口语，不需要那么书面化，不要把句子拉的太长，不然感觉有点拖泥带水，说话不是写作文，不需要太讲究的。

Answer 4

Helle
I am pleased to introduce myself..
I’m 21 years old .
My college major was E-commerce.
Althought I a fresh graduates.
But I have a lot of working experience in my college.
Most of the work undertaken by the sales
This is the reason I have chosen for this Jobs
Although I know really a little about this industry
But I handle things with great care and passion.
What's more, I can work under pressure and I am always kind to others.
Your kind consideration is appreciated
That’s all.
Finally, thank you for giving me the opportunity to attend this interview.

完全人工改的哦..

Answer 5

thank you for give me this interview opportunities
opportunity不用加复数吧