英文好的进,帮忙修改一下这篇哈利波特书评!

Question

大家帮忙看一下有没有语法错误或用词错误,如果大家觉得哪里不好的就提出来,大家觉得有哪些东西是可以加上去的就提出来.谢谢!!
In my summer holiday. I read a book called <Harry Potter and the Death Hallows>. It’s the ending of Harry Potter series. Harry Potter series is famous in the world. Its writer is J.K. Rowlin. This book tells a long, exciting story.
Dumbledore was killed. Harry, Ron and Hermione must find Voldmort’s 5 Horcruxes and destroy them. A lot of Death Eaters hid near their houses and their school, so they had to run away from home. Voldmort wanted to kill Harry. He invaded Hogwards. The battle of Hogwards broke out. Everybody came to protect Hogwards. At last, Harry defeated Voldmort and got 3 Death Hallows. From here, he lived happily.
The story is terrific. The writer designed this story with great care, I think. In fact, there’s some hint of this story in other Harry Potter books. Things in the story are convincing, although there’re not true. A lot of special things appeared in the story, for example: Betie Botts Beans, they taste very strange’ and chocolate frog, can you believe that a frog that was made of chocolate can be eaten? It also has some special activities, like Quiddich, it’s a game that people played on a broom; Triwizard Tourament, it’s a competition between 3 magic schools. You see, the story just like another world, a magical world. This attracts people very much!
Not only the special things and activities, but the people in the story also attract us. Harry Potter and Ron and Hermione are leads in the story. They were brave and they were very good friends. J.K. Rowlin designed them very delicate. The description of the people in the story is vivid and vigorous. In the story, something were about people’s morality. Including the battle of justice and evil, bad people repented. So, this story just likes the mirror of our true life. Don’t you think it’s very close to our life?
A lot of people were deeply moved after reading this book. I think the most unforgettable scene is the battle of Hogwards. When Voldmort asked where was Harry, nobody sold Harry. No matter Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff or Gryffindor students, they all came to protect Hogwards. The ghost, and the students who had already finished school came to help them, too. From this scene, it embodied their unite and bravery. They didn’t afraid of deat, they put the death entirely out of their mind. This spirit is very noble. Not only this chapter, a lot of details also told a little moving story like this.
So, according to me, I think this book is very good for our teenager. It’s not just a simple story, it teaches us how to face difficulty and how to defeat difficulty. I’m benefited a great deal from this <Harry Potter and the Death Hallows>. I hope everyone can read this book if he or she likes.
I like this book very much.
你们把哪里修改了的地方写出来吧......谢谢

Answer 1

不恰当的地方我会在括号中写上我改完的，如果是小错的话我会用大写字体，没错的地方我不会动的：

In my summer holiday. I read a book called <Harry Potter and the Death Hallows>. (改：During my summer holiday, I read a book called "Harry Potter and the Death Hallows" ) It’s the ending of THE Harry Potter series, WHICH IS QUITE famous in the world. Its writer is J.K. Rowlin. This book tells a long, exciting story.
UNFORTUNATELY IN THE STORY, Dumbledore was killed. THE MAIN CHARACTERS, Harry, Ron and Hermione must find Voldmort’s 5 Horcruxes and destroy them. A lot of Death Eaters hid near their houses and their school, so they had to run away (择词：建议用ESCAPE代替RUN AWAY)from home. Voldmort wanted to kill Harry. He invaded Hogwards. (改：Voldmort wanted to kill Harry by invading Hogwards --> 两句话连起来) The battle of Hogwards broke out. Everybody came to protect Hogwards. (改：As the battle broke out in Hogwards, everybody came to protect it.) At last, Harry defeated Voldmort and got 3 Death Hallows. From here, he lived happily. (改：From here, he lived happily ever after.)
The story is terrific! The writer designed this story (择词：这里建议可以用story plot, intrigue 等等代替story )with great care, I think (改：I suppose 比较好). In fact, there’s some hint of this story in other Harry Potter books. （改：In fact, the author has provided some hints of this story line in other books of the serie.）Things in the story are convincing, although there’re (是they're 不是there're)not true. A lot of special things appeared in the story, for example, Betie Botts Beans THAT tasteD very strange and chocolate frog. Can you believe that a frog made of chocolate can be eaten? It (不要说"It", be specific: "The book...")also has (择词："...also included...") some special activities (择词: events), like Quiddich ,WHICH IS a game that people played on a broom; Triwizard Tourament, it’s a competition between 3 magic schools. You see, the story IS just like another world, a magical world. This attracts people'S ATTENTION!
BESIDES the special things and activities, the people in the story also attract us. Harry Potter, Ron and Hermione are THE MAIN CHARACTERS in the story. They were brave and were very good friends. J.K. Rowlin designed them very delicateLY. The description of the people in the story is vivid and vigorous. In the story, something were about people’s morality. Including the battle of justice and evil, bad people repented. (改：The story also told us about people's morality, including the battle of good versus evil. ---> 文章的一大theme: good vs. evil 你指出得很好！) So, this story IS just like the mirror REFLECTING our true life, don’t you think SO?
A lot of people were deeply moved after reading this book. The most unforgettable scene is the battle of Hogwards. When Voldmort asked where was Harry, nobody sold Harry. No matter IF IT WERE Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff or Gryffindor, they all HAD ONE GOAL to protect Hogwards. The ghost and the students who had already finished school (改：你说的是已经毕业的么 如果是的话那么应该是 "...STUDENTS WHO HAD ALREADY GRADUATED FROM SCHOOL..." 如果不是的话，抱歉理解错误）came to help them, too. From this scene, it embodied （择词：demonstrated, showed...) their unite (UNITY -->这里用名词） and bravery. They WEREN'T afraid of death BUT HAVE put IT entirely out of their mindS. ThEIR spiritS WERE very noble. Not only IN this chapter, BUT a lot of OTHER details THROUGHOUT THE BOOK also told a little moving story like this. (改：Not only in this chapter, but a lot of other details throughout the book also touched the hearts of readers)
So, according to me, I think this book is very good for teenagerS. It’s not just a simple story, BUT ALSO teaches us how to face difficultIES and how to defeat (择词：overcome --> 克服困难嘛，不是击败困难）difficulty. I benefited a great deal from <Harry Potter and the Death Hallows>. I hope everyone can read this book if he or she likes. I like this book very much. （建议：I hope everyone can read this book if he or she prefers because I liked this book very much.)

呵呵``本来前面我还给你改句型了```后面看你写得太用工了 我都不舍得给你改了``只在这儿加加 那儿错措辞```你写得不错嘛```比起大多数人来在表达方面还是可以的 在词语方面大多数可以体现出来的 当然有的地方择词不大恰当 我给你写出建议的用词``不过当然还是要作者自己拿主意

在正文写作当中 不要用数字（1，2，3，。。）要打出来（one,two,three...) 书名在正文文档里编辑的时候用下划线或倾斜字体，这个符号<> 或《》是不正确的(只符合在中文中用）格式上每个paragraph面前空格

最后 谢谢你的分享！厄。。有的地方可能改得太苛刻了 多多包含 :P

Answer 2

In my summer holiday. I read a book called <Harry Potter and the Death Hallows>. It’s the the last book of Harry Potter series. Harry Potter series is famous in the world. Its writer is J.K. Rowling. This book tells a long and exciting story.
Dumbledore was killed. Harry, Ron and Hermione have to find Voldmort’s 5 Horcruxes and destroy them. A lot of Death Eaters hid near their houses and their school, so they had to run away from their homeland. Voldmort wanted to kill Harry. He invaded Hogwards. The battle of Hogwards broke out. Everybody came to protect Hogwards. At last, Harry defeated Voldmort and got 3 Death Hallows. From then on,he lived happily.
The story is terrific. The writer designed this story with great care, I think. In fact, there’s some hint of this story in other Harry Potter books. Things in the story are convincing, although there’re not true. A lot of special things appeared in the story, for example: Betie Botts Beans, they taste very strange’ and chocolate frog, can you believe that a frog that was made of chocolate can be eaten? It also has some special activities, like Quiddich, it’s a game that people played on a broom; Triwizard Tourament, it’s a competition between 3 magic schools. You see, the story just like another world, a magical world. This attracts people very much!
Not only the special things and activities, but also the people in the storyattract us. Harry Potter and Ron and Hermione are leads in the story. They were brave and they were very good friends. J.K. Rowlin designed them very delicate. The description of the people in the story is vivid and vigorous. In the story, something were about people’s morality. Including the battle of justice and evil, bad people repented. So, this story just likes the mirror of our true life. Don’t you think it’s very close to our life?
A lot of people were deeply moved after reading this book. I think the most unforgettable scene is the battle of Hogwards. When Voldmort asked where was Harry, nobody sold Harry. No matter Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff or Gryffindor students, they all came to protect Hogwards. The ghost, and the students who had already finished school came to help them, too. From this scene, it embodied their unite and bravery. They didn’t afraid of deat, they put the death entirely out of their mind. This spirit is very noble. Not only this chapter, a lot of details also told a little moving story like this.
So, according to me, I think this book is very good for our teenager. It’s not just a simple story, it teaches us how to face difficulty and how to defeat difficulty. I’m benefited a great deal from this <Harry Potter and the Death Hallows>. I hope everyone can read this book if he or she likes.
I like this book very much.

Answer 3

the story just like another world
this story just likes the mirror
大哥or sister阿，我就不看拉，你从哪看到这种说法的，since primary school phase
还有，deat