急！寻英语小故事一篇！100字左右的！最好是笑话之类的

Question

最好有中文翻译。课前演讲用的。最好不要长。长了要了也没用。谢谢各位拉。

Answer 1

hey Are Directly from America
Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter give her . At the bank counter ,the money was real.It mady out of patience.At last she couid not hold any more, uttering :“trust me, Sir, and trustthe money .They are real U.S. dollars. They.are directly from America. ”
汉译：
真美钞
一位中国老妇人到美国去看望女儿回来不久，到一家银行取存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真仔细的检查了每一张钞票看，是否有假。这种做法使老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，是从美国直接带来的。”

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.

吉姆的历史考试

舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。

Answer 2

Name Them
A teacher, a petty thief and a lawyer all died and went to the Pearly Gates.Because of crowding,St Peter told them they had to pass a test before ascending any further.Addressing the teacher,he asked,"What was the name of the famous ship that hit an iceberg and sank?"
"The Titanic,"she answered,and St Peter motioned her into heaven.
The thief was next."How many people died on that ship?"St Peter asked.
"Gee,that's tough,"the man replied."But luckily I just saw the movie.The answer is 1,500."St Peter let him Through.
Then St Peter turned to the lawyer,"Name them."

说出他们的名字
一位老师，一个被瞧不起的小偷和一位律师死后，升到了天国之门。因为很拥挤，圣彼得告诉他们要想进一步往前走，必须通过一个测试。他先选了老师，问道：“因碰撞冰山而沉没的著名轮船名字是什么？”
她回答道：“泰坦尼克号。”圣彼得示意允许她进入天堂。
接下来是小偷。“那艘船上死了多少人？”
“咦，这可是个难题，”这人回答，“但是很幸运，我刚好看过电影。答案是1，500。”圣彼得让他通过。
然后圣彼得专项律师，“说出他们的名字。”
（意思是说明做错事是可以受到赦免的，比如小偷。但是那些为犯罪或作错事狡辩、开脱罪名的人确是不可赦免的。比如律师。）

Answer 3

A stupid man falls in love with a pretty and clever girl. He asks her:"when can I marry you?". The girl answers:"when you see a dead bird in the sky, I shall.". The man becomes very excited. Everyday, he does nothing but keeps watching into the sky to seek for a dead bird.

Answer 4

Wolf had been badly wounded by dogs. He lay sick and maimed in his lair. He felt very hungry and thirsty. When a sheep passed by, he asked him to fetch some water from the stream. "Ifyou bring me the water," he said, "I will find means to getsome food." "Yes," said the sheep, "if I bring you water,you would undoutly become my food. collected by

狼和羊的故事
狼和羊狼被狗所咬，伤势很严重，痛苦地躺在巢穴里，不能外出觅食 他感到又饿又渴，这时，他看见一只羊，便请求他到附近的小河里为他取一点水来。“你给我一点水解渴”，他说，“我就能自己去寻找食物了。”“是呀”，羊回答说，“如果我给你送水喝，那么我就会成为你的食物。”

Answer 5

I believe that we are not real social workers. We may be doing social work in the eyes of the people, but we are really contemplatives[修行者、沉思冥想的人] in the heart of the world. For we are touching the body of Christ twenty-four hours...And I think that in our family we don't need bombs and guns, to destroy, to bring peace, just get together, love one another, bring that peace, that joy, that strength of presence of each other in the home. And we will be able to overcome all the evil that is in the world.

我想，我们算不上真正的社会工作者。在人们的眼中，或许我们是在做社会工作，但实际上，我们真的只是世界中心的修行者。因为，一天24小时，我们都在触摸基督的圣体。我想，在我们的大家庭时，我们不需要枪支和炮弹来破坏和平，或带来和平――我们只需要团结起来，彼此相爱，将和平、欢乐以及每一个家庭成员灵魂的活力都带回世界。这样，我们就能战胜世界上现存的一切邪恶。